by Smart Coos
Hogan Hilling: Dads Behaving Dadly
Hogan Hilling is a dad, author of six parenting books, fatherhood expert and has appeared on Oprah. Hilling has co-founded and helped establish several fatherhood networks in the USA since 1992. Hilling is the creator of the word Dadly (the actions and emotions of an involved father). His book Dads Behaving Dadly has received international attention. Hilling’s Dadly II book will debut in June 2015. It doesn’t get any more Dadly than this!
Recently, we had the pleasure to sit down with Hogan for an interview. We wanted to learn more about him and hear more about Hilling’s Dadly II!
What was the inspiration behind your blog? Why have you continued?
In the early 1990’s when I first conducted open discussion groups for dads I invited the dads to share one thing they learned from the other dads in the room. The number one answer, “I learned I’m not alone. That other dads have similar issues or issues I hadn’t thought about.”
During these Dadly sessions I also realized the dads had shared intimate details with me they never shared with their wives. These dads didn’t feel their own home was a safe place to share their feelings. I felt so honored the dads trusted me. But that is because I created a safe, non-judgmental environment to share their honest, sincere feelings. My revelation is confirmed with the publication of the Dadly I and Dadly II books. Dads I never met trusted me enough to submit their stories of life as a father to the Dadly books.
Each dad I meet and listen to continues to inspire me to rebrand the image of fatherhood and prove fatherhood is alive and well. I believe there are more responsible, active and involved dads than irresponsible, dead-beat dads. I continue my work because I’m passionate about giving today’s modern Dadly dads an equal voice as parents.
How many kids do you have? What is the age of your youngest and oldest? If more than one, did you plan to have that age gap?
I raised three boys ages 26, 24 and 21. No I did not plan this age gap.
What is your fondest memory as a father? Your not so fondest memory? Why?
My not so fondest memory of fatherhood was during the pregnancy. I struggled to bond with our first-born baby and didn’t know how to feel or act like a dad. I wasn’t emotionally unprepared to be a father. My agreement to impregnate my wife had more to do with her desire to be a mother than mine to be a father.
My fondest memory of fatherhood was also the worst day of my life. I received news my second born son Wesley was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that rendered him disabled for life. His diagnosis, however, did not detour my commitment to Wesley as his father. I did not play the victim card and say “Why me God?” Instead I said, “Why not me?” The day I accepted Wesley’s birth as an act of nature, and not God, was the greatest revelation in my role as a father. From that day on I never viewed Wesley as a broken child and decided that I needed to live up to his expectations of me as his father. Wesley taught me to view fatherhood through the eyes of a child. I feel so blessed to have been given this gift from Wesley. I wrote a poem titled “Instead” to honor the wonderful GIFT he gave me
INSTEAD
Instead of walking with you, I will crawl with you.
Instead of talking with you, I will find ways to communicate with you.
Instead of isolating you, I will create adventures for you.
Instead of focusing on what you cannot do, I will focus on what you can do.
Instead of feeling sorry for you, I will respect you.
How does fatherhood influence your work? Your business decisions?
Fatherhood greatly influences my work. Being a dad is a passion not a job. I did not plan to be an author and fatherhood advocate. During my early years as an at-home dad I wrote a journal to document the positive moments I had with my children and lessons I learned. A friend heard about my journal and suggested I write a book. I titled it “The Man Who Would Be Dad.”
Along the way I met so many wonderful dads who helped and supported me during my fatherhood journey. Without them I could never have survived and reaped the rewards and memorable moments of life as a father.
The inspiration to continue my work is the network of dads who continue to serve as great fatherhood role models. These dads have been my greatest resource and inspiration.
If you could tell a new father ONE thing and only one thing what would it be?
Set your EGO (Everyone’s Greatest Obstacle) aside. Fatherhood is a huge responsibility and no man can or should do it alone. Reaching out for help is ok and should actually be perceived as a sign of strength. If a dad would like a father-friendly environment, he needs to act like a friendly father, especially to other dads. And the best resource a dad has to improve his fathering skills is other dads. I also discovered that no matter how good a father I feel I am there is always room for improvement. I believe so strongly dads need to network with each other on an emotional level that I founded the Dare to Act Dadly Campaign, whose mission is to strengthen, unify and inform the parenting community.
You have written several self-help parenting books, which of them was your favorite to write? Why? Which book was the most challenging? Why?
The most challenging book to write was “Rattled: What He’s Thinking When You’re Pregnant.” I had to find a constructive and positive way to deliver a father’s perspective in a mother friendly voice. I overcame this challenge by setting my EGO aside and invited a mom, Jesse Rutherford, who graciously helped me edit the book.
My favorite is the Dads Behaving Dadly book series because it gave All dads from every family dynamic, race and socio-economical background a voice. The books include stories from dads in the USA, Canada, Australia and England. Their stories also make a strong case for the new kind of manhood today’s modern dads demonstrate every day. Each story is written in the dad’s own words and voice and captures the truth about our notion of masculinity in today’s modern dad. The DADLY book also proves dads know how to emotionally support each other.
What does the future look like for you, your family and your business?
My future plans include collaborating with other dads and moms to make “behaving Dadly” a fashionable trend that will strengthen, unify and inform the parenting community. Future projects include Dadly II: More Truths, Tears and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood, which will debut in June 2015. Gay Dads Behaving Dadly book scheduled to debut later this year; A mom’s version of the Dadly book series; Host Dadly Conventions across the USA; and continue to promote and raise money for the Dare to Act Dadly Campaign.
Twitter: @BehavingDadly Link: http://dadsbehavingdadly.com/
Contact: info@dadsbehavingdadly.com
Also, you can find him on Facebook.
